Frankly, I’m surprised it’s taken this long.
Drones are everywhere, it seems, but only now comes word that the most logical application is being worked out – the delivery of a good, hot pizza.
Domino’s is reported to have started tryouts in New Zealand last week. The company says not to get too worked up about this – it’s just an experiment – but I think we can all see where this is going.
This is today: Person A makes phone call. Person B receives order and makes vague promise about delivery. Person C rolls out dough, etc. Person D crams boxes of hot pizza into car and begins scanning map or, worse, consulting the false oracle of GPS.
This is too archaic and too analog. This system certainly has too many points of failure, I mean, people. Drones will get bigger, faster, stronger. Why not just loft a small, automated pizza kitchen into the heavens and have it hovering over the city, awaiting orders? Baking time and flying time could be the same time, and anything that improves your chance of sticking a 450-degree slice of undercooked dough and molten cheese into your mouth has to be a good thing.
The drone people in New Zealand say the day nears when pizza comes, by air, with the push of button on your smartphone. Yes, that would be next level of, oh, let’s call it evolution.
These are the same sorts of devices that are programmed to be increasingly intuitive, or so it seems. They can track our every click, step and heartbeat and then profile us in the most cruel medium, raw data. They come to know us better than we’d prefer to know ourselves.
So I see two outcomes. One is that your intuitive smartphone cuts out the middleman and, using some sort of advanced algorithm that involves pepperoni, signals to the drone and debits the whole transaction from your bank account.
The pizza arrives, and you say, “Was I hungry?” And then, the obvious answer: “I must be, for my phone says so.” See how easy it is to hand everything over to the droids?
The other outcome is more likely if the scolds and do-gooders get their way, as they often do. You ping the magic pizza button on your phone. Nothing happens. No happy ding of confirmation, no drone, no molten cheese. Just hunger and disappointment.
Then you get an email.
“This communication is to serve as notice that you have been denied, on this date, delivery of one (1) large pizza, mushroom-and-extra-cheese type. A review of our records indicates sedentary patterns and otherwise suboptimal lifestyle choices on your part. Should you wish to appeal his decision …”
Nirvana might be just a few clicks away. Who knows? But I’d say grab the pizza while it’s hot, and while you can.
Follow Jeff Fox on Twitter: @FoxEJC